bleeding wrists

Bleeding Wrists
Raindrops keep falling on my head
Drip drip drip
And blood keeps flowing from my wrist
Its not like u care, about my lame rendition
Of the fake happiness someone lives in

I don’t care much for life as of now
I feel like taking that one last bow
To rip myself from this planet
Where your face is everywhere I swear it

It doesn’t matter though
Our friendship only meant for show
I’m dying inside I swear it
But you couldn’t really give a shit
All these years of our lives
We’ve been living this stupid lie
That this friendship could have worked
But all along we both knew it was in the dirt
Down in that grave six feet under
I should be down there too, but it doesn’t matter.
Cuz nothing is worth living for,
when all im doing is just fucking up it all.

Dark clouds

Here come the clouds
over head and filled with rain
ready to release
but its not enough
those rains wont save this dry ground

theres nothing feeding my seed
something struggling to grow indeed
never sprouting
simply drowning
in this sea of heat

puffs of death
drugs of light
light up my dark starless night
lifting my soul
only to let it go
and fall back to that same dry ground again

trying to take root
to break free and sprout
only to be binded
by the smoke chains which keep me grounded
spread my wings and fly
ran out of breath only to drop and die

what if i just destroyed the thing i treasured most
the one thing i couldnt buy
what if i just killed it
stabbed it with word shaped knives

why am i so fucked up
i should just give up
take a walk to the edge
and fall off with many regrets
of things i didnt do
or things i could've done
god why do i always fuck it all up.
i just don't belong here
i dun make anyones lives better
all i do is say the wrong things
do the wrong actions
only to dim the spirit
and kill their happiness
maybe i should die
maybe i could tonight
but is it worth it
i think that just confirmed it.

end.

ticking clocks

as the little needle moves
the minute hand follows
around in a cycle
filled with sorrows
it never moves out of place
or stops to take a break
rotating rotating as it goes

never slowling, never lagging
only temporarily slacking
making it go out of sync
to what others would deem pleasing

the poor clock unwanted and void
simply not good enough to be someones toy
to be used
to be valued
something people used to turn to
but now as reality sets in
just like a slap to its face
the poor clock is no longer wanted
left to be only something forgotten

ironic isnt it?
sounds alot like me
once my "owner" was through
i became last years news
had he forgot?
or he didnt care
either way
i'm as good as not there

just to be left out in the dark
only to cling to life by the stroke of luck
maybe i should be like the clock
still rotating without a doubt
not being of any use
minute hands still on the move
out of everyones view
only to be the piece once valued.

wayward bound

Roadmap required

Down this lonely road i go
all sad and alone
not with a friend by my side
calling shotgun or just catching a ride
to the edge of this place which i called "home"
the place where all my pain and hurt was born

i never asked for any of this
all the things blown to me by the "wind"
notice my recent abreviations
im trying to use something called SARCASM
im not really the happiest guy around
no prizes for who can guess why i constantly hate myself

i hate myself for trusting this
the great plan and all that shit
i heard it once
i heard it twice
why cant u just tell it just dont sound nice
i don't wanna hear all your crap
that im loved or that u care
because i know its all a fasad
just because u liked my "shiny cars"
i will nvr know who might really notice
all the pain i feel right now is just bogus
i shouldnt have to deal with this
ive done nothing wrong
especially to the one i used to call God
but since im stuck here i'll live with it
or maybe i'll end it all with a simple slit of the wrist.

end.

To whom it may concern.

Stranger
Hey there stranger
The unknown friend I see in the corner
I’ve been watching you for awhile
And I really lost myself in your smile
Its kinda nice not knowing who’s your best friend
Someone to last with you to the end
The kind of dude who would stick with you
Through all the shit we’d get in to

Not knowing who’s your best friend is nice I guess
Being alone and separated from the rest
Only having a circle of friends u call a clique
Cuz everything else looks really bleak
Maybe I’m insecure, but so what
Who gives a fuck.
If I died today
It wouldn’t cause anyone any dismay
I’d just be forgotten
Just like that stranger
Who’s name I had never gotten.

Words from within

I'm into the habit of poetry and if u don't like it stop reading.

Poison
Poison never felt this good
probably alot better than it should
Stopping my blood cold as ice
leaving me to my own device

Probably the words i don't need to hear
awakening every one of my dreams and fears
slowly it eats away
surely day by day
it grows into a pain
one my body cannot sustain

my soul longs to break free from its case
out of this shell
into a better place
what would be left from this empty shell
something left behind for everyone else

Empty would be this cover
one which none can see under
none can see
none can pass
into this pit
forged from a broken spirit
and pieces of glass

Some call it madness
I call it life
others call it emo
sanity level equals zero


stews.. green, blue, black or white
all look tasty in my sights
if it makes me feel better than how i feel now
whats the difference if i died anyhow
nothing ventured nothing gained
or else the outcome would be the fucking same

so if you read to this point of malice and strife
wonder whats going on in this screwed up mind
thats a good question which i have no answer to
maybe you'll find it before me or
before
i
find
you

Satan,

Rainbows in the night sky

Hope is now like rainbows in the night sky. It is possible that its there but you just can't see it. I'm a dam emo bastard now and i cant stand myself but yet i'm so helpless to save me from my greatest enemy, myself.

save me.

Words written in blood

Whats life anymore. Heres a definition from a web dictionary. So i didnt flip a few pages to find the actual meaning in a proper dictionary. Fucking sue me.

Life - The property or quality that distinguishes living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate matter, manifested in functions such as metabolism, growth, reproduction, and response to stimuli or adaptation to the environment originating from within the organism.

Heres mine - It is a heart wrenching walk, filled with pain and suffering only for you to bear.

Short no? Life pretty much sucks big time now. Nothing to look forward to but more pain. Sure it seems easy but its so pointless. have you ever wondered what on earth your here for? No book recommendations e.g. purpose driven - Rick warren. I live day to day just to kill myself slowly. physical mental. i wont say spiritual cuz im dead there already. spiritual man rotting and all.

A little poetry for the soul

Pulsating
Is the man’s heart longing for acceptance
Mourning
Is his hearts only cry
Forever in this life entangled
Is this boy’s spirit confined

Not ready to fly
But thrown off the edge
No longer hanging by some thread
Tis the story of the life i’ve lead

A slit of the wrist
A step of faith
Both will save this man from this place

Make or break
Live or die
These are this boy's lullaby
Never ending sorrow ensues
To finally break his spirit into two


Sometimes I just don't get life, God, God. God wants to have a relationship with me. I try, but he is a dao-ist. he just cant be bothered with me. i'm like a seed planted in a bloody dessert. I try to survive but i just cant make it. maybe i wasnt meant to. who knows maybe i'll find out on the other side.

Live life to the fullest, bullshit
Joshua